First, I don't quite remember the chain of links, who the hell ever can, but check out elfporn. Someone has put an awful lot of time and money into this site [I mean it, girls this attractive and willing and prosthetic ears this well-made and well-applied can't be cheap], it's the least we can do to visit and be outraged and/or turned-on, isn't it? Only $4.95 a month!
Second, I begin my new blog-friendly schedule at work today. So my statement on Saturday will be much, much easier to live up to. And, I'm going to have Sundays off! Oh, yeah! I can see friends and family members that I have had to woefully neglect more often. In fact I'm thinking of throwing a party for everyone I haven't been able to spend time with since I'd been toiling all the weekend long. That should amount to a pretty highly-volatile crowd. Let's see, I'll need citronella to keep the evil, mutant mosquitos away, meat and seafood and vegan concoctions, beer and wine and liquor...
Third [WOW a bonus!], don't spend your hard-earned $ on the August DVD release of Fellowship of the Ring. Unless you enjoy fewer features and less content, or you just can't endure the wait, you should hold off for the November Extended Edition, with 20-35 [depending on who you listen to] extra minutes of completed footage.
And...4th [Jesus Christ! You lying bastard, you said only 2 things! Can you count?!], just because she's dropping off the front page, it doesn't mean that I've forgotten my friend, otherwise known as Banzai Girl! Hi, Jinky!
Men Seldom Make Passes...
...At Girls Who Wear Glasses. Oh Yeah?
I had such a crush on Bailey from WKRP when I was younger. And now I remember why...
You can keep Loni Anderson, Jan Smithers is hot [even w/ the 70's hair]! She was dumped by James Brolin in the early 90's so he could run off with Barbara. The cad. They have a daughter. Jan lives in Nova Scotia where she keeps to herself. She turned 52 in June. Actually clothmonkey is perhaps the most dignified and respectful obsessed-fan page I've ever seen. The recent posts are the most interesting. Check it out. And for more women in eyewear visit Girls With Glasses. What obscure personality would you devote a web page to? posted by banzai!Saturday, July 20, 2002
The company mentioned in this article is the same beef processor cited in Eric Schlosser's Fast Food Nation [see essential media, below] to engage in ridiculously unsavory [pun intended] production and employment practices. If you won't stop eating ground beef [unless you grind it yourself], and if you love your daily stop at one of the "restaurants" that are poisoning our population and society, then at least call McDonalds or Carl's Jr. and tell them that you don't want beef from Con-Agra! Tell them that you don't want to take your life in your hands each time you get a craving for a Whopper! The article states that this is their second recall this year! These massive slaughterhouses are unsanitary when they don't have to be. But they stay that way to keep costs down, so that you can have a 59 cent hamburger!
I think I get it, finally. Blog is short for weblog, which can be defined as a journal created strictly for electronic viewing via the Internet. Therefore most bloggers, a term defined as me, have taken this to mean a personal journal, just like Oprah endorses to no end. Some blogs have transcended this definition and have become literate, uncannily insightful daily editorials. Others are treatises on how to blog and the world of blogging. Still others degenerate into massive porn link lists or bad taste factories. But most have stayed true to their origins and are earnest explorations of the blogger's personality. My little experiment here straddles those lines, and crosses a few others. I'm really just trying, desperately straining to be heard. I'm quite the attention hound, it comes from a very introverted childhood and lots of rejection throughout those formative years. So, once I am sure that people besides my friends [1195 at last count] are visiting long enough to have actually read something, instead of realizing their search for topless pictures of Natalie Portman is a fruitless one [unless you check here], then and only then will I try, emphasis on try, to become something more than the pop culture geek that this site has made me into.
But trying probably won't be enough. I'm quite fond of my bad puns, dirty limericks, double entendre, dick & fart jokes and funny pictures. I also like to say things that I need to say where they'll get the most exposure and the most ridcule. This is not to say that I won't, once in a while, actually spin a pseudo-intelligent arguement pertaining to a current political, societal or economic crisis, or spit the face of propriety to try and piss off a couple of people. I'll be posting more often, just brief comments, usually every day instead of every wednesday and saturday. But occasionally I'll put together a nicely presented and illuminated fun-fest. posted by banzai!Saturday, July 20, 2002
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7.17.2002
And On The Same Subject...
...Where have these guys gone? I was promised a second movie. Lessee...MTV is owned by Viacom, which also owns CBS, many other cable channels radio and television stations and cable providers. Are they involved in the conspiracy? Probably, seeing that their stockholders are nearly exclusively members of the Illuminati (Yes, of course they were involved in the Gates' assassination. They're involved in everything. Here's an interesting side item: do a Google search on illuminati, the top link will be this. I'm joining up--going undercover as it were.)
Thank you, Jason. Thank you for finally exposing me to the conspiracy. I was so blissfully unaware, so naive, so--stupid!
Ladies and gentlemen, Bill Gates is dead. He was assassinated on December 2, 1999. This must be the greatest cover-up in the history of cover-ups. The whole Kennedy thing is a sham, who cares! Nearly everybody thinks that Bill Gates has been alive for two-and-a-half years! Genius! Kill a man who is compromising your ethics/foiling your plans/banging your mom, or just plain irritating you (Jesus, his voice alone...), then convieniently come up with a lookalike (not too difficult), pose him for a few photos with a terrified widow, give away a couple of billion dollars, even throw in a pie in the face incident (in Belgium, where--lord knows--no one is looking too closely),
then stir in the fact that the company controls the entire media system, simmer and stir. What do you get? The perfect conspiracy. Wow. The documentary alone would convince me. I can't wait to see it.
Everybody knows that I despise Microsoft and it's flawed systems and more-than-likely nanomnipotence (hey, I just invented a word!). You would think that this would be great news. Evil, technology-driven madman removed from power; marketing and advertising schlubs put in charge of the greatest money-making scheme since fast food. Well, you'd be right. Except--that now, instead of railing against a nerdy, over-proprietary chairman, now I have to concentrate on the faceless wonder of the Microsoft "corporation". Damn.
Hmm, I see that giving up is in order. Uh, Windows XP rules?
The above image is a floroscopic micro-photograph of a mucus secretion. Wow, huh?
I find it very interesting that images taken from the macro level are so similar to images taken at the micro level. For example, here is a Hubble Telescope image of the 30 Doradus Nebula.
Coincidence? I think not. Oh, hey Adrienne, my nose is so dry now that it's bleeding. posted by banzai!Monday, July 15, 2002
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7.13.2002
Bleah.
I am sick. I mean ill, not insane. My head is a solid mass of mucus. This means that I am feeling less than my usual banzai-self, so pardon the monotone post and the intermittent sighs (I'm just trying to breathe, folks). I contracted this cold after prolonged exposure to allergens whist attempting to help my mother pack up her 5-bedroom house in 48 hours. She has cats, who I am normally pretty immune to having spent plenty of time around them. But when furniture is moved and books come off shelves for the first time in years, there's plenty of dander and dust and mites and lord-knows-what-else stirred up. So I started sniffling only an hour into this ordeal. Then, my sister's boyfriend came over to help. Which is good of him, considering. But he had a cold...and in my weakened state, those germs latched onto me like Velcro. Uugghhhh. Excuse me...
...Sorry, I had to blow my nose. My nose is so sore, and the skin is so dry from the tissues (and napkins and paper towels and whatever else has been handy over the last 3 days. This is disgusting.
If I may offer one cold relief remedy to you teeming masses (that's right, I broke 1000 hits this week!): Pho. Vietnamese noodle soup with plenty of chilis, basil, hot sauce, even vitamin C (you squeeze lime juice in it) oh yeah. But, that's it for me. I can't write anymore, I need to lie down... posted by banzai!Saturday, July 13, 2002
I've just accomplished what seemed impossible, I've configured the damn monitor so that it won't suffer a fatal error when I attempt to have the 1024x768 display size. What this means for you folks is bigger and better, full color pictures! Oh, yeah!
The chickie-poo in the short skirt is Jinky Coronado a.k.a. Banzai Girl. She's one of many young women trying desperately to transform themselves into real-life anime girls. She's got her own comic, and a nice site of her own: www.banzaigirljinky.com. Thanks for the props, Jinky! posted by banzai!Sunday, July 07, 2002
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Attention Space Monkeys: SAVE FIGHT CLUB!
We are the all-singing, all-dancing, crap of the world, but we want our Fight Club: Special Edition 2-disc DVD! 20th Century Fox has announced plans to pull this amazing disc from stores on August 27th in favor of a single-disc, movie-only piece of shit. Hit the button above to sign a petition to save the Fight Club that David Fincher and Chuck Palahniuk want you to see! Fuck the studios and their lame-ass marketing strategies, join Project Mayhem!
Did you miss me? Boy, that was a rough week of imprisonment and torture in a unnamed Southeast Asian country. Whew, I didn't know that trying to smuggle Hello Kitty merchandise would carry such a stiff penalty.
But now that my experiment in trying to be a real, though Earth-bound Han Solo type (yes, I even had a homemade Wookie sidekick--OK it was just a really dirty mop, but I called him Chewie and everything) has ended in complete, yet strangely satisfying failure. Caning isn't so bad, but the anal rape could have been more comfortable. Oh well, Live and learn. That's what I get for being such a sweet thang.
OK, comments on the week past--Ted Williams died on Friday morning. He was my father's childhood hero, and needless to say, the old man is pretty bummed. When I was a kid, my Dad brought home matching Teddy Ballgame autograph gloves, we still have 'em, but the laces in mine are mostly frayed and broken. Yes, I used to participate in physical activity before I discovered DVD and the net.
Saturday was Bush43's birthday, he celebrated in Kennebunkport, Maine with Babs and Bush41. I've been to Maine, spending a couple of weeks there during the summers of '86 and '89. I really enjoyed it. Nice state. Lobster, $2.00/lb. There were these local soft drinks from a bottler called 'Miscoe' that kicked ass! But I can't find any trace of the bastards, not even a tribute page (and that's weird).
Anyway, Bush's approval rating is around 75%...yeeah, right. Who are you asking, pollsters? The man's a crook protecting his crook buddies, and his crooked lifestyle from terrorists. Oh, yeah, how about that 4th of July, folks? Did anything larger than a mailbox or a kid's hand blow up? Was anyone you know poisoned with nerve gas or infected with ebola? All was quiet on my front, just a few boring legally-sanctioned fireworks and couple of beers.
What else happened? Oh, yeah--I fell in love--with a car!
photo courtesy euro auto festival
The Cooper Mini-S is fantastic! I test drove one on Saturday and it was pure coolness. I thought I wouldn't fit in the darn thing, and when I sat in the showroom model my fears were realized. Then the salesdude came over and said, "Hey, do you know that the seats lower?" And damned if they didn't, I was nice and comfortable. The thing drives tight and responsive, like a really scaled down version of my buddy's Porsche. Base price Cooper Mini: $16,800, Mini-S: $19,300. Go drive one--it's great. I'm getting one.
So there, I've posted. Should satisfy the few visitors I have...check out Today's Specials for new links to interesting things. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and put myself on the 7 month waiting list for the Mini-S. posted by banzai!Sunday, July 07, 2002
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7.01.2002
Don't See Minority Report
Philip K. Dick is not merely spinning in his grave, he's gyrating to the bpm of some techno/house/jungle DJ, while on methamphetamine and ecstasy simultaneously trying hard to ignore the shit that is being thrown up in his name. And the reason that he hasn't overdosed yet is because he's already dead. Seriously, this movie is so overblown with cliched plot devices and Spielbergian kitch (a jetpack fries some burgers a nice medium-rare) that it felt nearly twice as long as it actually was, which was pretty fucking long. I think that Spielberg can't help himself just like George Lucas just can't help himself, he has these little quirks and he can't get around them. He is a sentimentalist, and a closet Catskills comic.
Let me illustrate how close Steve and George are: In Star Wars: epII there is a sequence involving an assembly line, Anakin Skywalker has his saber hand trapped under a slab of metal while all around him there are welding robots and laser cutters, etc. In Minority Report, there is an assembly line sequence where Cruise's Anderton has his hand trapped under a slab of metal while all around him there are welding robots and laser cutters, etc. Deja vu?
Samantha Morton as the precognitive Agatha was really quite good. And Max von Sydow, until trapped by a trick pulled liberally from The Fugitive, was at his absolute best. Everyone else sucked. But I will say this, Cruise was not as insufferably Cruise as usual, this performance reminded me of the debut Mission Impossible which so surpassed the vainglorious MI2.
Let me say this about Philip K. Dick (PKD), he was a succinct writer, never taking more space than was needed to tell his stories. He was imaginative in a dark manner that 90% of today's "edgy, ironic" writers wish they were. And he wrote about a billion words. He will never be adapted better than BladeRunner, but Ridley Scott wants to distance his movie even further from the source material in his new Special Edition (due on DVD for the past 3 years). I wish Hollywood would leave him alone to continue the party he's been having at our expense these last 20 years. posted by banzai!Monday, July 01, 2002
• • • • •
Here's My Predicament
I like movies, but I hate pretty-boy actors. However, two of the movies that I really want to see are Minority Report and The Bourne Identity. How do I get around the fact that these movies star Tom Cruise and Matt Damon, respectively, two of the biggest pretty-boys out there. I know! When they appear on-screen I'll imagine that the roles are being played by Juliette Moore and Kate Beckinsdale, respectively. If my imagination doesn't fail me, at some point during these movies I may have one of those oh, man moments when the sight of a hot chick is just too overwhelming. But, since I am pretending that two men are two women, does that make me, to some extent, gay? Help me, I would have mailed this to Ann Landers, but she's dead now, and her sister Abby has been dead below the neck for two decades. I am turning to you, dear readers, don't fail me. posted by banzai!Monday, July 01, 2002
The Who kicked so much ass. The energy that those four young men radiated onstage was terawatts above any band before, and was not even approached until Iggy Pop then The Ramones and The Sex Pistols blew up music in general. There's Daltrey, voice exploding from him, microphone cycloning in ever increasing arcs. When I hear lead singer, I think of Daltrey. Then Townsend would rev up and make his guitar scream in ecstatic anquish. Moon crashing on his drums like Animal from the Muppets but with all the discipline that was missing from his actual life. But Entwistle just stood there, his energy contained, focused through his fingers into magnificent rythyms. He was the adult, the musician in the group, the one who stepped aside when the other three's capacitors blew and they began destroying their instruments. Perhaps he regretted this part of the band's image, but he knew that unless these guys bashed in a few drumheads or broke a few guitar necks, they would not survive until the next show.
"Won't Be Fooled Again" is the anthem of anthems, but punk would have been a lot longer coming if "My Generation" hadn't appeared when it did. And that is what we all have to thank The Who for. They were that bridge. John Entwistle will be popularly remembered as the forth member of The Who, but he was the elegant center of a lightning storm. His technique and his attitude have cemented him as the first important bassist in rock history. He will be missed. posted by banzai!Friday, June 28, 2002
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6.27.2002
Pardon Me If I Seem Long-Winded, But This Is Important
So, yesterday the Ninth Circut Court Finally pulled America's collective head out of it's ass, however short-lived it may be. I am a day late and many, many dollars late on this topic. Please peruse this article at J's Notes, and this one at Views From Outside for much more timely, lucid and informed opinions. I however, will merely say--[The following passages are in bold type for your convenience, scroll past them if you do not wish to read my R-rated, WWF-type celebratory rant.]
------------------------------------------------
OH YEAH! I WIN! WE'RE #1! WE'RE #1! IN YOUR FUCKING FACE, PAT "JERRY FALWELL" ROBERTSON! FUCK YOU PAT "HITLER" BUCHANAN! IN FACT FUCK EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE NAMED PAT! FUCK YOU, BUSH 43! FUCK YOU JOHN ASHCROFT! FUCK YOU DWIGHT DAVID EISENHOWER! FUCK YOU RONALD WILSON REAGAN! FUCK YOU RICHARD MILHOUSE NIXON! FUCK YOU ORAL ROBERTS, BENNY HINN AND THAT UGLY BITCH WITH THE PINK BOUFFAINT! FUCK YOU TRENT LOTT! FUCK YOU ORRIN HATCH! FUCK YOU TOM DASCHLE, YOU HYPOCRITE AND ALL YOUR HYPOCRITE MINIONS! FUCK YOU CHRIS MATTHEWS, ROBERT NOVAK, BRIT HUME, GEORGE WILL, WILLIAM FUCK-A-BUCKLEY AND BILL O'REILLY! FUCK YOU JOHN PAUL II! FUCK YOU PRESIDENT HINKLEY, ELIZABETH CLAIRE PROFITT, TIM LAHAYE AND JERRY B. JENKINS! FUCK YOU TOM CRUISE, JOHN TRAVOLTA AND L. RON HUBBARD! FUCK YOU CREED! FUCK YOU JESSICA SIMPSON! FUCK YOU JESSE JACKSON, AL SHARPTON AND LOUIS FARRAKHAN! FUCK YOU REHNQUIST, THOMAS, SCALIA, O'CONNOR AND WHOMEVER ELSE! FUCK YOU ALLAH, JEHOVAH, YAHWEH, SHIVA, GAIA, ATHENA, THOR, RA, MARDUK, JESUS, ERIS AND MY SWEET LORD LUCIFER! FUCK YOU CTHULU! FUCK YOU ILLUMINATI! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!
----------------Ok, you can look now.
Now, I love having the freedoms that being American allows, but the fact is, I am represented by a state that has--throughout our histroy--ordered assassinations, peddled drugs, permitted generations of African-Americans, Hispanic/Lantinos/and especially Native Americans to languish in poverty. We allow butchery all over the world in the name of Democracy. We don't pay fair prices for goods from 3rd world countries. And perhaps worst, we allow our citizens to be robbed blind, fired and credited into the gutter by souless corporations that lie to us mercilessly! They lie about their products, they lie to get tax exemptions, they lie about their pollution, their treatment of their employees, their customers and their victims. And they lie to get us to bolster their stock! All this--plus, we poison ourselves with every breath--all in the name of the good ol' USA. We haven't exactly lived up to the Founder's vision, have we? And what was that vision?
Every schmuck who states that "the Founding Fathers" wanted a Christian state should really read some of Jefferson's letters, or the Jefferson bible. Or perhaps some Ben Franklin, eh? The man was very nearly a card-carrying atheist! Or maybe Thomas Paine? The President (hah!) used the term 'common sense' to refer to the type of judge that he'd appoint. Well, maybe he'd better read Common Sense before he ends up appointing Judge Judy.
I heard a United States Senator on NPR today blubbering this phrase over and over again, "Just because you choose not to believe it doesn't change the fact that we are a nation under God!"
Apparently, we're also a nation under mass hypnosis. What does 'under God' mean? And why wasn't it included in the original draft of the pledge by a Baptist minister? I'll tell you--so it would be more inclusive! The author (I'm blanking on his name, I must have heard it a thousand times today) was a socialist, a suffragist and a civil rights advocate. He wanted to include the word equality to nudge America down that path, but the editors of the magazine he wrote the pledge for said "nope". Interesting, it's kinda like "This Land is Your Land" or "Born In the USA" being thought of as patriotic when they are both protest songs. Oh well, to all you politicians ready to wrap yourself in the flag (again), I just hope you get your facts straight, you morons before you go on your pandering crusade to garner more votes this November. Onward Christian soldiers!
One last thing:
I remember high school, y'know--after my ethical and social conscience kicked in--we only had to stand for the pledge on Monday mornings, and it just felt wrong. I haven't had to say it since, so until I'm a witness at a grand jury (and I'm pretty sure I will be at some point) or sworn in as a federal officer, this won't impact me personally. But kids in California may not have to say the damn thing for a week or so. Oh wait, school's out isn't it? So, this ruling may not result in anything other than a few more kids not standing or not repeating the phrase "under god", or maybe not going to school at all if all they'll learn to do is keep up "The Man's" status quo. Maybe some parents will begin homeschooling for the correct, not the "right", reasons. If it might get a few more kids thinking for themselves then that's enough.
However, if in overturning this soon-to-fall decision, the religious right gains a foothold for the burgeoning theocratic movement, you should expect to see me exercising one of my inalienable rights. You know, the one Charlton Heston fights so eloquently for? U-S-A! U-S-A! posted by banzai!Thursday, June 27, 2002
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6.25.2002
What Does This Tell You?
Ok, AOL (green) is Will, uu.net (blue) is me, Adelphia (yellow) is Mike...which one is Jason? posted by banzai!Tuesday, June 25, 2002
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6.24.2002
Bush Is Too Big For His Britches
Does he really think that Israel or Palestine really care what he calls for? Sharon, besides having a girls name, and Arafat, besides looking like a camel (and I don't mean that in any sort of predjudiced sense, he does!), are hardened individuals, who have fought for their lives. If there was ever a president who inspired fear less than Bush 41, it's Bush 43. At least his father could string a sentence together when he wanted to. Bush 43 looks like Alfred E. Newman and talks like Slim Pickens, a less than intimidating presence.
So, let's examine (and I'll ask for your opinions on my new comment feature! see my byline for the link!). Who is the toughest president, and why? Cite your reasons based on whatever criteria you wish: appearance, policy, oratory skills, endurance, promiscuity, etc.
I'm going with Andrew Jackson, Ol' Hickory (what a cool nickname, it could refer to all kinds of things), he was a real saber-rattler, I'm sure he knew how to hack at the enemy necks from horseback. Plus, he was a big guy, with kinda crazy hair and he was psychic! Jason knows what I'm talking about...maybe he can remind us of that link. And, finally, there's that song about him at the Battle of New Orleans:
In 1814 we took a little trip
along with Andrew Jackson down the mighty Mississip
we took a little bacon
and we took a little beans
and we fought the bloody British at a town called New Orleans...mmm, bacon... posted by banzai!Monday, June 24, 2002
This post concerns the previous post's only asterisk. And the assertion I made therein that I had been fast food free for 6 months. A friend of mine, Jenn has taken umbrage at my claim, goaded along very nicely by Adrienne, the Dark Queen of my heart. The following exchange took place on my tagboard, that is why the sentences are clipped off and begun again in the next entry. That is also why the spelling and grammar are bad, I make no apologies for others poor web manners. And I would edit this more, but I've already spent too much time reversing the flow of the tags to make sense for those of us used to reading top to bottom. Any additional comments by me are in [brackets].
Previous to this first comment, Adrienne had sarcastically objected to my use of young, blonde, children to make a joke, Mike had congratulated me on my gallant nature and there was something funny about someone's cock. However, most distressing is the fact that Jenn had called me on the carpet for eating ground beef...
banzai: Chipotle doesn't serve ground beef, only freshly grilled steak for the fajitas and wonderful stewed beef for the barbacoas. mm-mm-good
banzai: And just to be superior, they DO use only farm raised pork, deemed cruelty-free (aside from the slaughtering, of course) by the ASPCA.
banzai: mm-mm-good is TM & C Campbells Soup Company. Used w/o permission, but w/love-like Warhol did. [Check out the humor--oh yeah!]
Jenn: For god's sake, man! The ground beef comment is that you still insist on ordering a burger instead of a steak anytime I eat out with you.
Jenn: And furthermore, you never responded to the fact that Chipotle remains FAST FOOD!! Six months free my ass! Not even Six months McDonalds free.
Jenn: Plus, the reason ground beef is so unhealthy is that it comes from many cows, increasing you disease vector.[This is very true, don't buy ground beef, there are reasons it's cheaper than whole cuts. buy a roast and grind it yourself!]
Jenn: Strips of grilled beef, while not as bad as ground, still come from multiple cows and are more risky that a solid slab of beef. [The beef is grilled as a whole steak, then sliced.]
jason: so THERE! BIATCH! [Just for the record: Jenn and Jason have been dating for 2+ years. He eats nothing but fish sticks and Hot Pockets and drinks Dr. Pepper and Miller Lite. Jenn loves him dearly and has tried to change his dietary habits, but failing that she has focused on me. By the way, she really should marry the boy, seeing as how he'll be the the odd Kenney out once his younger brother gets hitched in August]
Will: I was going to comment on this, but I value my life too much to get on Jenn's and Adrienne's bad side. Luv ya both.[It looks like Will was just gonna sit back and watch, but his conscience go the best of him...]
Will: The problem with books like the one Jeremy mentioned is what is the authors true motive, is it to inform the public or to vent a personal vendetta? [He wants to start a new conversation thread, but in vain...]
Will: As for the ground beef argument, just buy your own and grill it at home. Making sure you reach teh intrenal temperature that kills bacteria before comsuming.
Will: Besides I wouldn't worry too much about cows and the fast food restaurants. Who ever said they actually serve beef? Its all just mystery meat with beef flavoring.
Will: Now I'm gonna hide under a rock so Jenn and Adrienne can't find me.
Mike: I heard that McDonalds bought a meat distributer called '100% Beef' so that they could legally say that their burgers were made with 100% Beef as the meat. True or not? [Mike chimes in with a (pretty good) attempt at humor. However, he has no room to talk. He feeds his 8 month old daughter unholy combinations of food: pureed chicken and banana custard, strained peas and Cheerios, ech. And he lives off Little Debbie snack cakes and caffeine-free Mountain Dew, poor bastard.]
Mike: Jenn... you and Adrienne should start your own blog. I'd be more interested in reading your opinions than anything that J posts on his site (no offense J) You kick ass.
Adrienne: No nead to worry, Will, the only problem with Jer and beef/fast food is that he's a big liar. 6 months? Is time different in your world, Jer? [I am not lying.]
Adrienne: Mike, don't hurt people...though, I must admit, we do kick a little ass...from time to time.
[Here's where I get to defend myself]
banzai: First, allow me to welcome the argumentative talents of Jenn and Adrienne, it's about time. Second, I won't deny that Chipotle is fast food. It is served very fast.
banzai: But, it is cooked w/o microwaves, steamtrays or heatlamps. By the very nature of the food served, it is quick to assemble. I will make no more apologies for what you believe "fast" food to be.
banzai: Second, I don't order steaks when we're out because the places we usually end up don't buy good cuts. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna pay $13-$18 for shit(pun intended)beef! [Seriously! we live in a burg where most restaurants are box chains ie: TGIFriday's, Ruby Tuesday's, Olive Garden. My friends and I aren't swimming in dough so we eat at these places.]
banzai: Third, I admit that I shouldn't eat ground beef. It's friggin Russian roulette, but as Sam[uel] L. Jackson states, I do love a good burger.*
*Pulp Fiction-1992 (Quentin Tarantino) [Where the hell is Tarantino, anyway?]
banzai: And, Will, it really doesn't matter hot you make it, you may still die. And, the only time I have ever had food poisoning was from a home cooked meal. [This is true, Jenn and Adrienne were there...It was Italian sausage cooked by my father in his usual "it ain't cooked unless it's burned" well-well-done fashion. The meat was purchased at Food Lion]
banzai: And as for my 6 month claim, I stand by it. No BigMacs, Whoppers, fries, Frosties, not even salads or subs from any of the chains cited in Fast Food Nation.
banzai: And that isn't double talk meaning that I've been eating at Checkers every day. Not a whiff of KFC or--OK, Popeyes. I've had Popeyes chicken. Oh, man... [Checkers is a growing Mid-Atlantic regional fast-food drive through. It's minority owned (my brother!) and more expensive than the big boys because they use higher quality ingredients. Nevertheless, i still haven't eaten there in 6 months. And I will not cook fried chicken at home! Do you know how long it takes to clean up after that particular kitchen procedure?!]
banzai: One last thing--are you all in a room together plotting to destoy me? [This is a rhetorical question, I know they are.]
The irony is that I don't even buy the steak at Chipotle. In fact, I have cut my beef consumption down to barely anything. I eat chicken and turkey and fish (mostly tuna), okay, there are cold cuts and stews and chili, but Jenn can attest to the fact that in the last 6 months my diet has improved immensely. My burgers are few and far between and usually medium-rare. This is a far cry from when I used to eat dangerous, ethically dubious fast-food ground beef pretty much daily.
I'm sure that this debate is not over, so...stay tuned true believer! Banzai's tagboard and e-mail will be a hotbed of socio/dietary-based screaming and yelling for a while to come! I'll make sure to keep you posted. Posted, that's funny! posted by banzai!Sunday, June 23, 2002
Occasionally, I must write. I use my fingers to type and words come out. Occasionally, I must poop. I sit on the toilet, allow my bowels to contract and my sphincter to relax, then poop comes out. Occasionally, I get confused. This is the result.
Silliness is the last refuge of the doomed. - Berkeley Breathed, Bloom County
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.-the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America
jeremiad (n) origin: French, Late Latin : a prolonged lamentation or complaint; also : a cautionary or angry harangue
"What am I, hearing things?! Am I all alone out here?!
"Didn't you just feel the the wind of freedom whipping through your sweater vest? Can't you hear the wind callin', 'Little Miss, Little Miss Can't Be Wrong?
Occasionally, I must write. I use my fingers to type and words come out. Occasionally, I must poop. I sit on the toilet, allow my bowels to contract and my sphincter to relax, then poop comes out. Occasionally, I get confused. This is the result.
I know! When they appear on-screen I'll imagine that the roles are being played by Juliette Moore and Kate Beckinsdale, respectively. 
If my imagination doesn't fail me, at some point during these movies I may have one of those oh, man moments when the sight of a hot chick is just too overwhelming. But, since I am pretending that two men are two women, does that make me, to some extent, gay? Help me, I would have mailed this to Ann Landers, but she's dead now, and her sister Abby has been dead below the neck for two decades. I am turning to you, dear readers, don't fail me.
